CSI: Tucson, Episode 1, Climate of Hate!

From the twisted mind of Iowahawk's Dave Burge:

CSI: Tucson

FADE IN. Chaotic supermarket parking lot, strewn with bodies in aftermath of shooting spree. Amid lights and sirens, a bearded man in black windbreaker and sunglasses ducks under the yellow police tape.

COUNTY DEPUTY
Sir -- sir! Please remain behind the cordon. This is an active crime scene investigation.

KRUGMAN (flashes New York Times OpEd badge)
I know. Krugman, CSI. This is my partner Lt. Matthews.

MATTHEWS
Who's in charge here? And where are the donuts?

DEPUTY
He's over there sir -- Sheriff Dupnik. He's in charge of the donuts, too.

Krugman and Matthews cross the parking lot, deftly stepping over sheet-covered corpses

DUPNIK
Krugman. Matthews. I was wondering when you two would get here. We've already booked a perp. Cruller?

MATTHEWS
No thanks, I'll take those two bear claws though.

KRUGMAN
What do you got with white icing? And what do you got on the perp?

DUPNIK
White male, 22, close cropped hair. Goes by the name of ‘Lucidfer Matrix Dreambrain.’ Another typical college Republican.

And just wait until officers Maddow and Olbermann show up. (Special Appearance by Andrew "Womb Hunter" Sullivan.) To dig it all, click here.